People with special needs tend to be truth tellers, human lie detectors, and like canaries in a coal mine.* They can be highly truthful even when they don't want to so don't be a sleaze bag and purposely take advantage of them and/or abuse them.
If you lie to them or manipulate them you will be an unreliable source and they will distrust you, you will lose cool points that will be very difficult to regain, so stick to the truth as best as you can and as the situation and age appropriateness allows. Try to develop different communication styles so that you are able to be flexible in working with a variety of diverse people. Keep away from lies of omission, reverse psychology, or secretive behaviors unless in dire circumstances and just say "No comment, I respectfully am unable to say, I am not at liberty to say, I'm sorry I can't tell you, or I'm not allowed to...."
Please don't stand them up that is a cardinal sin. Just be honest and tell them you have a conflict and are unable to make it, but don't wait till the 11th hour unless it's an real emergency. On another note don't pretend you didn't receive their text messages, phone calls, emails, mail, or etc. They know all the statics on it and know that you are clearly lying. Be authentic as humanly possible.
They can be highly empathic at times because they have been exposed to great disappointment and intense emotional and physical pain. It's important to walk a fine line between being understanding, communicating well with them, and setting firm boundaries. Most importantly they can usually figure out if you are lying so a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down. Integrate kindness, respect, genuine affection, and truth.
It may be funny to laugh at people with special needs on tv but not in real life. They tend to be highly sensitive people and are highly intelligent and the phrase sticks and stones may break my bones and words will never hurt me is a complete untruth. Words hurt and so does using sticks and stones. They may not get the joke at first but when they do there is nothing like a women being scorned. At the same time they like to have a good time like everyone else in other words laugh with them not at them.
They can be both brilliant and challenged at the same time. What has worked for me in the classroom is being a direct communicator (straight forward keep it simple and direct) with compassion and sometimes with tough love. It may hurt initially but in the end it brings less intense pain, embarrassment, shame, and humiliation as the situation unravels. It is important to help them save face because their feelings do matter greatly. Also recognize that when this is done by a pack or a herd these practices can be considered bullying, hateful, aggressive, or negative "positive" peer pressure, discrimination, or oppression so be very very cautious and careful. They may not come across or be seen as love or mercy gesture. It can trigger a huge tidal wave of negative feelings and emotions or seen as rejection. In some militant settings this may be acceptable practices but in a schooling or religious setting this can be seen as abusive.
It's best to assign someone to assist them to help them navigate different situations and let that be clear to them. At the same time understand that they may go around you not as a sign of disrespect but because they can be mentally, emotionally, or physically fluid in order to get the job done. It is a Holy Spirit kind of thing if you know what I mean. They are passionally and instinctly driven to get the job done right.
People with special needs need understanding, sensitivity, firm yet flexible routines at times in order to stretch their endurance, clear boundaries, direct yet loving boundaries, clear and direct leadership, and to be within a supportive and loving community. In other words keep praying, praising, and fasting till the Good Lord answers.
They also feel societal, emotional, and physical disturbances deeply. They are excellent at certain jobs such as therapist, comedians, emergency workers, military, government, pastors, educators, writers, thinkers, entertainers, community leaders, and cyber careers, and etc because they will get the job done regardless even at the expense of themselves and unfortunately their loved ones. Nevertheless no matter what job they end up doing they will always stand out because they are highly intelligent, enjoy doing an exceptional job, and firm in their convictions until they are proven wrong by a higher source (Science, God, Law, or a combination)
Despite their demeanor. They have a very high capacity to love and if you are patient they will usually evolve as time goes on so don't rush the process. Let God do what He does best and that is letting time and lots of love do the trick.
Find strategies that work and keep plugging away. But continue to be their safe place and keep it simple. Recognize and acknowledge that stress can make their symptoms worsen. Teach by example and keep the wolves away on their behalf. Focus on being supportive, informative, and flexible when you can.
Listen or be watchful they tend to tell you how to love, honor, and serve them. Relationships shouldn't be based completely on faith they are mutual and there should be give and take just look at Christ's relationship with our Heavenly Father. It based on love, faith, trust, and affections where mutual.
Don't be intimidate by people with special needs they are human too and they can always use good honest reliable family and friends. Think Abraham Lincoln and the cast on the Big Bang Theory, Love Boat, Cheers, and Friends.
Happy Autism Awareness Month!
From the desk of Esther Kamoche Robinson
*Special needs refers to all people with special needs including and not limited to people who are gifted and talented. Highly gifted and talent people have challenges, limitations, and handicaps either physical, psychological, or etc.
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