I love the show Scared Straight and all the Madea movies. I feel we need an updated version of these brands for our new generation. We need to scare them straight everyday.
We need an angry momma or daddy character dressed in a judges attire or alligator costume. We need families to bring out children one at a time to plead their case. We need their parents, teachers, or community to bring charges against them. Then, we need the court to give them wise but intelligent and maybe humorous sentencings like Thurgood Marshall was given. He was sent to the basement to read the U.S. Constitution for misbehaving in school. He became a Supreme Court Justice. You see the connection. I am sure he is not the only one this worked on. I know it worked on me. Discipline builds character for children and adults.
I'm different you see, I have a hard time understanding overall how children in our country struggle to be law abiding citizens.** I look at children overseas and they have significantly less than we do and they follow the laws whether they agree with them or not. They are polite and respectful. They help around their home without an allowance, because they are family. They also tend to want to make the world a better place and they are just patiently waiting their turn. Then, I look at my children and they tell me me what they aren't going to do. They are 3 and 1 years old. I hear things like "Mommy I'm not going to do that!" "Mommy, bring me my binky." She doesn't have a binky she is 3 years old. I find myself reaching deep deep deep down trying to convince myself that the western way of raising my kids is correct. Just because it has been proven correct by so many psychologist, researchers, and by so many many other people. I often have to tell my kids who I am and how much education I have. I also find it crazy that I have to tell my 3 and 1 year old that I have been given authority by God and the state to tell them what to do and do you know sometimes they don't care. THEY DO NOT CARE! Now imagine children who are much older and harden by life telling you the parent (if you aren't one), educators, police officers, or an innocent bystanders what they will or will not do. I believe Oprah in this saying, "when people tell you who they are you better believe them."
If it wasn't by the grace of God, a stern mother, and a strong community presence of the church and my neighbors I along with some other folks I know most likely would have became juvenile delinquents. You see I was the muscle. Hard to believe, I know. I decided how far things would go. I would say that's enough or No, I'm not going to do that. My close allies would back down. And that was that. It took great force to change my mind you see my gift was saying No and refusing to budge. However, my momma had a real magical sweet way to help me change my mind.
This new type of psychology likes to tell children they were abused by their parents and turn them against their parents. I have read many fascinating and intriguing articles on the topic of how the older generation feel stuck and alone because their children and grandchildren are falsely led to believe they have been abused. Yes, abuse does happen and abuse should be reported and allowed due diligence in the court system. However, discipline is not abuse. That is love. Family has obligations to care for each other.
You see I have become enlightened by the gift of parenting. Just like Jesus enlightened the women at the well with the truth in love.* Now, God has gifted me with two beautiful beings who are very determined to live how they want. I was all for it until last year.* I wanted them to make their own choices and find their own way. Until I found myself saying things that my momma and my grandma have told me when I was younger. Now, I was saying them to my children, just to survive. I often find myself at medical appointments, the library, and whatnot seeking asylum from my children. They always look so angelic that I often have to question my own judgement. Thank God their father is around to see the mayhem for himself.* I often throw psychology terms at them like stop trying to gaslight me, stop abusing me, or stop screaming. They don't care. One child keeps eating wood chips at the park and the other one keeps licking everything and keeps running away and hiding. She often says, "Mommy I going to run away from you." I spend a lot of time convincing her that isn't a good idea. Each day I have to tell her the truth of why that isn't a good idea and promise her that I will take her to the park if she doesn't run. WHAT! SMH! I also have to tell her some things that I may have to do to her if she decides to run because she has already tried to do it in the parking lot of a very busy grocery store. After talking to her rationally about it, it didn't change her mind. I had to resort to real authentic back pocket parenting strategies. Thank God for shades of gray in parenting and the law because without it my baby wouldn't be here on more than one occasion.* At the end I tell her it's my job to keep you alive no matter what, even if you don't like it. That's what I try to do every day. And each day that I do is a success for me and my hubby. I no longer truly care that my home is a disaster or if dinner is on the table. I don't even care about this upcoming Easter holiday I just want to sleep or seek asylum from anyone anywhere.
Truthfully, I'm just truly happy my babies are healthy and running around. I am extremely happy their daddy returns everyday to rescue me from our den of baby lions. The pain I endure from solo bootcamp parenting is fierce. I'm not sure what terrifies me more going back into the classroom teaching 20-30 kids or staying home raising my children. Both of them terrifies me. You see becoming a mom has soften me and has toughen me up but not in the ways I need to survive this stage of my life or either one of these endeavors. Everyday is a toss up and many people have tried to talk me off the ledge and it works for a day and then the feeding fest continues on mommy. Don't get me wrong I am appreciating the craziness of parenthood. I have had a lot of laugh out loud moments especially when I get some perspective. Mommy breaks are a real thing a much needed good thing.
If you are reading this please continue to pray for me and my husband. We are undercover staints trying to live this thing called the Jesus American dream and we are trying to save others too. But we are not sure it's working. Nevertheless find a mother or a dad who needs a hug, a high five, smile, or a some chocolate and let them know they are doing a fine job. Hopefully, by the time my kids get older community service, discipline, prayer, and structure spankings will be put back into public schools. A momma can dream.
From the desk of Esther Kamoche Robinson
*More on those subjects later.
**Not referring to extreme cases of neglect, abuse, or trauma of any kind.
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